Title: The Bullet List
Author: Nikki Roman
Published: Self Published
What would you do if every time you stepped foot into your school you were tormented even beaten within an inch or your life and there is nothing you can do about it? To make it worse you aren't even safe at home from frequent beatings. That is just a small glimpse into the horrible life of Bailey Skyes.
Bailey doesn't know when her school tormentor Miemah started to hate her she only knows that she can't go a day without some form of verbal or physical abuse. Maybe they are jealous because she is skinny and has boys chasing her, or maybe it goes a bit deeper. Bailey tries to seek help from the teachers and office staff but is blamed for bullying Miemah and quickly dismissed. To top if all off Bailey's teachers blow her off as a loser with a bad attitude. When they school day becomes to much Bailey escapes to a janitor's closet that has a cot in it where she sleeps away the day. Sleep seems to be the only thing that brings any relaxation to Bailey but even that is tormented when she has nightmares about the night her father killed a man while she watched. He had to kill Jack you see because he had a knife and threatened Bailey and her father. He did it for his daughter and her protection when Jack attacked them. That was about the time when Bailey's life changed. With her father in prison for murder Bailey can see her mom slowly slipping into depression which her mother then tries to self medicate with booze and drugs. Her mother at times becomes so drunk and drugged that she can't even remember beating Bailey to a pulp until the next day when she sees the evidence.
After years of abuse at home and at school Bailey finds it hard to forgive her mother even if she stops drinking and doing drugs. The only joy Bailey has in her life is when she is with her friend Clad. Bailey's relationship with Clad begins to take a turn when Clad begins to get strong feelings for her but she can't get past the fact that she only views him as a brother type. Even though Bailey finds Clad to be a great comfort and she can't imagine life without him she doesn't want it to be anything more than a really good friendship leaving Clad in the friend zone. Mean while the constant beatings continue and Bailey sees no way to escape the abuse unless the wrong doers are dead, and Bailey knows exactly how to do it. Shoot them, shoot them all and watch the pain go away seems like the only option, kill them before they kill her. In a fit of rage Bailey seals the deal by making a bullet list and with her mother's gun in hand she will walk into the school and kill them all as they walk from their classes....or does she?
Thoughts: When I first started reading this book I didn't think I was going to like it because it just didn't sound like something I would read. After a few chapters though I found myself hooked on the story and really wanted to find out what happens next. My only problem with this book was that I didn't really like the main character and there were some errors in the writing that I looked past because even the best of us make typing mistakes. All in all though I was very happy with how the story ended and for a first book Nikki did a great job!
Quotes: " for every splinter of lost hope, there is a sea full of dreams, and for every dreary day there is a sun to light the sky and chase away the despair."
" Sometimes I would rather believe in my own lies than believe in all your truth, because I don't think I could stand the idea of you not loving me the same way I love you."
Songs that remind me of the story:
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